He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
