so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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