Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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