Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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