never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
