do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
