direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
