New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
