the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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