Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
