Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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