Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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