i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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