dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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