He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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