yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
