I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
