You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
