Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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