So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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