im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
