he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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