somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
