it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
