His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
