I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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