I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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