how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ladies don't puke and tell
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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