You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize