new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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