Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
