I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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