my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Everyone says I win the strip club
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
