But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
