can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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