her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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