and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
