after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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