he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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