i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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