I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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