True but thats because hes a fetus.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
