What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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