i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
