if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
