i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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