That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well I just put wine in my tea
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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