i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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