so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
