I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
