whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
