No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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