Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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