you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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