I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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