you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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