Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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