the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
