Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize