You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
