Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
