Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
