My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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