you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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