She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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