What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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