i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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