I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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