i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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