he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
