All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
