omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
